![\"'Growing](\"http:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/02\/Growing-up-Gracefully.jpg\" "\\"'Growing")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Memoranda readers may recall The Years of Grace: A Book for Girls<\/em><\/a>, a fascinating (and often unintentionally hilarious) collection of wise advice edited by Noel Streatfeild. She must have realised there was a lucrative market for this sort of thing because in 1955, just a few years later, she produced Growing Up Gracefully<\/em>, a guide to good manners for young people. Of course, I had<\/em> to read it. And with chapters such as \u2018Manners Abroad\u2019, \u2018When and When Not To Make A Fuss\u2019 and \u2018Don\u2019t Drop That Brick or The Gentle Art of Avoiding Solecisms\u2019, I\u2019m sure I will find this book highly relevant to modern life. Perhaps I can send a copy to some of the people currently filling up newspapers with reports of their bad behaviour.<\/p>\n However, I have to admit that the book doesn\u2019t get off to a good start. Mr Gilbert Harding, the author of \u2018Manners\u2019, is an old grump who thinks young people should only \u201cspeak when spoken to\u201d. He spends most of his chapter disapproving of \u201cthe excessive party-giving which seems to me to be one of the scourges of modern life.\u201d If you absolutely must host or attend a party, he huffs, well, just pretend to enjoy it, although \u201cthis can be a difficult impersonation and may call for practice in private.\u201d<\/p>\n Miss Spain also gives handy hints for young people without their own \u201cestablishments\u201d, who wish to entertain their friends in a restaurant. Obviously, most won\u2019t be able to afford a famous restaurant (which \u201cwill cost you at least \uffe11, 10s. a head\u201d) so she recommends a \u201cgood but cheap restaurant\u201d and helpfully explains how to deal with intimidating waiters, menus written in French, wine ordering and bill paying. She concedes that by now, the reader may have begun to think that:<\/p>\n \u201c\u2026Table Manners are a bit of a bore. Well, if you do, just try to imagine the banquet of mediaeval times. Everyone blind drunk, everyone pushing and shoving and dipping their knives in the salt cellar like mad things. Imagine trying to get pork fat off your best jerkin sleeves afterwards (no dry cleaners, remember). Then I think you will bless, with me, the invention of Table Manners.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n In the next chapter, Miss Lorna Lewis explains how to introduce people to one another. Luckily, most young people won\u2019t need to concern themselves with the Order of Precedence (\u201cyou probably won\u2019t have to know whether a bishop\u2019s widow ranks higher than an admiral\u2019s wife\u201d), but she does think it vital to introduce Inferior to Superior (\u201ca child rates lower than a grown-up, a man is Inferior to a woman, juniors in a profession must always be introduced to their seniors\u2026\u201d). It\u2019s also useful to provide some information to get the conversation started. So, for example:<\/p>\n \u201cCarola, this is my grandfather\u2019s friend, Colonel Stump. Mrs Jack Sprigg. Carola and I were at school together, Colonel. Just imagine, Carola, Colonel Stump rode me on his knee when I was small, so I think you should know each other.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n The correct response to an introduction is to say \u2018How d\u2019you do?\u2019 or smile. You must NEVER, EVER say \u2018Pleased to meet you\u2019 or \u2018Hello\u2019. (Really, \u2018hello\u2019 is forbidden? And what if you are<\/em> pleased to meet them?) There\u2019s also advice on shaking hands (\u201cshake it with a firm grip; and by firm I do not mean \u201cTry Your Strength\u201d), dealing with boring people (don\u2019t look over their shoulder for an escape route) and meeting Royalty (men should \u201cbow slightly\u201d and women should \u201cdrop a little curtsey\u201d, although if you\u2019re attending Court, you need to do a deep curtsey and \u201cmust go seriously into practice\u201d).<\/p>\n Miss Norah Lofts then advises on \u2018Don\u2019t Drop That Brick\u2019 – that is, don\u2019t be accidentally rude (here she notes the old saying, \u2018A gentleman is never rude unintentionally<\/em>\u2019). Don’t mention Religion, Politics or Money in general conversation, she stresses, because people tend to have strong feelings about these issues:<\/p>\n \u201c\u2026when we find ourselves in company we are dangerously ready to think and assume that we are all of one mind \u2026 This apparent, and deceptive, likeness amongst a gathering of civilised people is due to the fact that the well-behaved do not flaunt their prejudices and preferences in serious things and this makes it dangerously easy for the careless talker, at the beginning of his social career, to give offence.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Avoid making slighting remarks about any \u201ctype, class, trade or profession\u201d, don\u2019t make fun of local accents, don\u2019t correct others\u2019 pronunciation mistakes, and consider whom you might be offending before you embark on a \u2018funny story\u2019, especially if it involves sex. This is very sensible advice. A lot of people on Twitter and Facebook would benefit from reading this. Miss Lofts even forestalls those who might complain about Political Correctness:<\/p>\n \u201cIt may now seem that if so strict a watch must be kept on one\u2019s tongue, easy and natural conversation will be impossible and there will be nothing left to say. This is a groundless fear \u2013 for two reasons. First, because everything pleasant and agreeable is left to be said; the kindly, tolerant, amiable remark never comes amiss. Closely analysed, most dropped bricks show something critical, and either consciously or unconsciously, superior in the attitude of the speaker. The person who believes in the equality of men is never in any danger of rapping out the word \u2019nigger\u2019 whether the nearest coloured person is in the next chair or a hundred miles away. Secondly, because after a very few times of being consciously extended, those sensitive feelers will reach out automatically and take charge of any conversation. Then their happy owner gains the enviable reputation of \u2018never putting a foot wrong\u2019\u2026\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n This doesn\u2019t mean you need to be a jellyfish \u2013 sometimes you will need to speak out or disagree with others and you might find yourself in a minority of one. However, your reputation for \u201camiability and social poise\u201d will mean \u201cyour disagreement will carry far more weight than it otherwise would\u201d and others will be far more likely to consider your thoughts carefully. <\/p>\n Well, I now feel capable of meeting people at a dinner party and having a polite conversation with them. But what should I wear<\/em>? Fortunately, the next section includes advice on \u2018Correct Dress\u2019.<\/p>\n You may also be interested in:<\/p>\n Growing Up Gracefully, Part Two<\/em><\/a> Memoranda readers may recall The Years of Grace: A Book for Girls, a fascinating (and often unintentionally hilarious) collection of wise advice edited by Noel Streatfeild. She must have realised there was a lucrative market for this sort of thing because in 1955, just a few years later, she produced Growing Up Gracefully, a guide … Continue reading \u2018Growing Up Gracefully\u2019, Part One<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[22,6,11],"tags":[54],"class_list":["post-5138","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-1950s-and-1960s","category-books","category-young-adult","tag-noel-streatfeild"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5138","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5138"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5138\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5724,"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5138\/revisions\/5724"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5138"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5138"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/michellecooper-writer.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5138"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}Miss Nancy Spain is far more entertaining regarding \u2018Eating for England\u2019, providing a lot of useful information for young people facing the terrors of an English dinner party. She explains how to drink soup and eat a bread roll gracefully, then tackles really tricky dishes such as asparagus and artichokes (eaten with fingers) and corn on the cob (impale on fork and nibble daintily). I was especially interested to read how to eat an \u201cavocado pear\u201d (which \u201cshould be eaten with a teaspoon as though you were scooping the ice-cream out of a carton\u201d, rather than, say, smashing it onto toast<\/a>). There\u2019s also advice on how to use a finger bowl and fish knives (this includes a nice little dig at Nancy Mitford\u2019s snobbery), what to do if you drop your fork or start to choke, and how to deal with fresh fruit (\u201cI never touch grapes and advise you to make the same rule, there\u2019s a right way to eat them, but I know few who have mastered it\u201d). Also, never drink gin and tonic with oysters, because \u201cgin turns oysters into little lumps of indigestible indiarubber\u201d. Also, apparently the port after dinner needs \u201cto be passed from your right hand to your left and it has to be kept moving\u201d because if it settles for even a second, it\u2019s \u201cfar worse luck than walking under a ladder.\u201d (Unless you\u2019re a girl, in which case you\u2019ll have had your eye caught by the hostess at the appropriate time and will have withdrawn to the drawing room<\/a> to wait for the gentleman. Now I\u2019m wondering how Miss Spain found out about the mysterious rituals of port-passing. Maybe she has a spy on the inside.)<\/p>\n
\nGrowing Up Gracefully, Part Three<\/em><\/a>
\nGrowing Up Gracefully, Part Four<\/em><\/a>
\nGrowing Up Gracefully, Part Five<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"